I didn’t know whether to believe it or not. The words that I have been waiting for a lifetime to hear were finally uttered and it seemed that the world and I both exhaled. In happiness and in clarity. A dream, dreamed was finally achieved and words couldn’t express all the emotions that were racing through me. I don’t even think I believed it that first day. Truth is one wanted while the other wanted more in place for this star to be birthed.
And while it was planned and uncertain how soon we would be blessed, it seemed like it happened overnight and with that the reality that I have been wasting my time. Something that was being told to me for a while yet I was just trying to survive and found comfort in the struggle of just keeping our heads above water. Then with you, I was pushed to be better, better than I could ever have been before. With this new insight and this new chapter, I promised that you will not have to experience any of my deepest darkest emotions, thoughts, pains, hurt.
And for what it’s worth, the relationships that were almost extinct were simultaneously rekindled. I understand that I am you and that you are we and the buck will stop with me. I will endure, I will give you all the opportunities I wished for, and give you the opportunities that I never knew existed.
Your name Desiree Marie Le Flore was planned way before you were born, however, it was only set in stone once you were confirmed. We do not really know who we are, or where we come from due to a deeper history that I cannot get into at this point. However, I promise you I will find this out. I know that our last name is French, and family has indicated that we are traced back to a prominent French family on my father’s side. My mother side is of Brazilian Irish and native American descent. I sure I am missing some other backgrounds but like I said, unfortunately, that is all I know now. Your mother has a very rich Guyanese background on her father’s side, and her mother again is mixed with all kinds of rich backgrounds that we can’t be certain of now. But your name originated from my French background, your middle name is taken from your grandmother on your mother’s side, and of course, your last name is mine. Your mother’s maiden name is Rutherford, so you have that blood in you as well, but as laws will have it children and wives take on the name of the husband. It’s tradition in America.
However, you were created with the best of both of us and it’s very important to me that you not only know who you are as an individual but who you are as a family. We represent each other and if there’s no one else who will care for you I promise to always be honest, with you and love you like no one else can until the day I stop existing and beyond. I am always with you and our connection is infinite.
Right now, all I can think about is how to prepare to be better than I have ever been. I don’t ever want you to look at me and say, Dad, you never did it so why do I. And just in case you ever have that question let me answer it for you now. With the life that I have lived I try to be the best that I can be, however, we are human and that element in us will have us make certain mistakes, If I could make all the mistakes now so I can teach you how to better that is a risk I am willing to take. The goal is not to be like me or your mother but to be the best you that you can be. And I will forever love you for that.
I can’t believe you have made me a dad today, they say mothers have that connection with you because they hold you for the 9 or so months nurturing you with their bodies, mind, and spirit. Looking at this sonogram, I know we have a connection that the world cannot understand, while I do not have the pain and ailments that your mother does, I to feel you, and I will do my best to give you the best energy that I have.
My unborn child, we will soon meet and be properly introduced and at that moment whether your eyes are open in awe, or closed with tears you will know, I will always and forever will be by your side. Our love, this bond our blood is unbreakable. If I ever thought I was great before, I already feel a need to be greater. Until we meet my sweet Desiree Marie Le Flore my sights will forever be set on being for you what I never had.